1 Samuel 1:3-8 (ESV) “Now this man
used to go up year by year from his city to worship and to sacrifice
to the Lord of hosts at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli,
Hophni and Phinehas, were priests of the Lord. On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he
would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion,
because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. And her rival used to provoke her grievously
to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb. So it went on year by year. As often as she went up to the house of
the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore
Hannah wept and would not eat. And
Elkanah, her husband, said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”
For those not married or married without children, the chances are pretty good that you understand Hannah situation. Sadly, even in today’s society, we still live under the power of comparisons. People often think something is wrong with you if you’re not married or if you don’t have children. Hannah was no different. She was barren during a time in history when not having children was both deeply embarrassing and enormously shameful. A woman’s importance came from her role as a mother. Her security and inherence was found in being married and having male offspring. Because of Hannah’s barren state, she was denied the tender moments of participating and playing an active role as the mother at the ritual meals. Can you image the consistent feelings of loneliness and inadequacy she felt daily but more specifically during the time of sacrifice at Shiloh?
However scripture give a pretty good description of Elkanah feelings towards Hannah. He had a special bond with Hannah that was unconditional. He didn’t hold her barrenness against her but embraced her. Still, Hannah wept and would not eat despite Elkanah’s devotion to her.
While Hannah couldn’t have children, Peninnah could. Peninnah seemed to be jealous that Elkanah gave double the portion to Hannah “because he loved her” and as a result she taunted Hannah. It clearly states in scripture, that Peninnah “provoke her grievously to irritate her.” Why? Why would someone be so cruel? Why does it irritate me and surprise me that God mentions this? In my own life, I have had people choose (it is a choice) to be jealous and cruel to me rather than choose to rejoice in God’s answer to a long period of waiting.
It is easy to see Peninnah as the villain in the story, but she suffered too. She was forced to complete for her husband's attention. Elkanah openly showed favor to Hannah, and it pitted the two wives and their children against each other. Peninnah's response to Hannah was out of insecurity and out of hurt. Don't misunderstand me. I am not excusing her behavior. What she did was wrong, and it show the maturity of her heart. I am just shining light on the truth of her situation as well. Why can't we as human being rejoice in our situations. Why can't it be enough that Hannah had Elkanah's love? Why can't it be enough that Peninnah had been given the gift of children? Why do we want what others have? Why do we want more?
The next thing I notice is that the story of Hannah's encounter with God doesn't begin from a place of praise. It begins from a place of pain. Pain that she had been living with for years. Why do I have this comforting? Hannah lamented and was honest about her pain.
If I am honest… Because of my long suffering in singleness and barrenness, when I suffer hurt or disappointment, I tend to see it through the lens of it never ending. I lean towards thinking it will always be this way. It is almost as if it’s a full stop to a dream or longing for me. Kind of a death to a longing for more. Even though God has redeemed so much in my life, I can be tempted to withdraw from others in order to protect myself from further sorrow. Not always… but I can shut down by no longer expecting things to change for the better. I am learning to catch myself, change that narrative and in return change my actions.
Today I remind myself
that, for Hannah, this was only the start of her story. Over the next few days as she wrestles with
God. She spoke out her anxiety and vexation. She lamented.
Hannah says to Eli, “Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman,
for all along I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation.” Then
Eli answered, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that
you have made to him.” And she said, “Let your servant find favor in your
eyes.” Then the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer
sad. God begins to unfold a new future for her… Will I dare to let Him do
the same for me?
Are there any disappointments in my life that feel like a full stop to a dream, desire or longing? Like Hannah, have they come to define me, either in my eyes or in the eyes of others? Am I letting others who taunt me from a place of pain in their lives provoke and hurt me?
Lord, this is not the end of my story. Restore my hope and give me dreams for the future!
Question: Is there a person or group that I am holding resentment towards because I feel that they have let me down or did something wrong to me from a place of pain in their lives? Is there a situation in which I am being taunted that I can see it is more about them, than me? Better yet, is there a situation in which I am jealous of what others have? If so, I choose to bring those things before the Lord and ask God to heal the wounds that drove the situation to take place in the first place.
Yielding prayer: God, I yield to you any hurt or disappointment I feel towards others. I ask you to encounter them today with your love. Lead all parties involved towards repentance, to forgiveness, and towards healing in Jesus' name.
Psalm 27:13-14 "I believe I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"
