When you marry a widower, you are grafted to him, and you become his. Like all marriage it is symbolized with a vow… a covenant made before God. But when you marry a widower, you are also adopted into his family. Rightfully so, you are the central part of his new life but just like adoption, you are now part of a family unit. With that said though, in many, many ways you are also the foreigner. The outcast. The misfit. Not to the widower but to others.
For me, this is true in so many ways… I am continually treated as though I am not part of the morphosis of the family. My sweet husband is often correcting terms that are constantly used like “his” family, “his kids, “his” grandkids. I have never asked him to do that. I actually never noticed it until he started using "our" when we pray for our family. It shows his tenderness and I love him for that. I remember telling my siblings I became a grandma and my younger brother said, “You’re not a grandma, they are not yours.” This kind of response continues to surprise me. It shows people's lack of understand what family is and isn't... But more than that, it is a constant reminder that my joys are others sorrows. I can actually sit with and give grace to those that have lost the immediate family member because I truly get it. I have lost too many loved ones that are so very dear to me. My sweet mom, my dear Aunt Maggie, Dave in a car accident that I was supposed to be in, Ricky also killed in a car accident by a driver that fell asleep and then my relationship with Tim and the drunk driver that altered his life. Those losses triggered so many emotions that I still carry today.
Today, my quiet time was spent sitting with Cornelius and Peter in Acts chapter 10.
Cornelius is a Gentile. He is not a chosen Jew. However, Cornelius feared God, prayed, gave alms (donations to the poor) and walked in an upright way (Acts 10:2, 22). In the beginning of the chapter, God sent an angel to Cornelius and told him to send for Peter. At the same time, God gave Peter a dream of animals that the Jews regarded as unclean because of the ceremonial law of the Old Testament. The voice from heaven said, "Rise and eat." But Peter protested that they were unclean. And the voice came back with these decisive words in verse 15: "What God has made clean, do not call common."
As you read on the dream becomes clear. God was welcoming the non-Jewish people into His family on equal footing to the Jews. This message required a huge shift in Peter’s understanding. Scripture never describes God explaining the dream however the rest of Acts 10 shows Peter putting the clues together by himself. It is interesting that Peter did not grasp the meaning of his dream immediately. He was confused and distressed, and the Holy Spirit had to reassure him not to worry. At first Peter resisted the instruction he received in the vision. It felt too far out of his comfort zone. It brings great comfort to me that Peter struggled, and that God mentions this in scripture.
For me, there’s a lot in common between this story and my story. The family of God includes both Jews (the blood line and chosen ones) and Gentiles (Covenant). Through Jesus, both are now on equal playing field. Both are adopted into the family of God. Both are co-heirs with Jesus Christ. With God’s grace, I pray that I can continue to show mercy to those that just like Peter continue to be confused, distressed and worried about how my presence (the Covenant Gentile) will impact their ceremonial heritage. With that said, I also need to take my rightful place, not with pride but out of humility. I need to walk out knowing my position within the family. My right to be here and be acknowledged. Through our covenant of marriage, I am a significant part of his family. I am a co-heir with my husband's first wife. I am on the equal playing field with my sister-in-law. Through my marriage, I am a grandmother to (currently) 7 fearfully and wonderfully made grandchildren. His family belongs to me, and I belong to them.
Lord: Like Peter, transform all of our thinking. Help us to yield to You and your plans for our lives. Help us to step outside of our comfort zone. Fill us with courage and joy that we may take Your redemptive story to those places and people that we have resisted going to. Amen
