Surrender to Love

 

Psalm 131 

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; 

    my eyes are not raised too high; 

    I do not occupy myself with things 

    too great and too marvelous for me. 

But I have calmed and quieted my soul, 

    like a weaned child with its mother; 

    like a weaned child is my soul within me. 

O Israel, hope in the Lord 

    for this time forth and forevermore. 

 

Reflections from my spiritual formation class...  

What are you noticing about your patterns of intimacy or non-intimacy (attachment patterns) with others? What observations have you made about how these patterns have affected your relationship with God?  

 

I journaled about Psalms 131 as a result of this question. What does it mean to calm and quiet oneself?  It means to refrain, to hold in check, to calm down, to find a state of stillness within your soul. 

For me, the writer is saying you can’t calm and quiet your soul if your heart is too concerned with self (aka pride) and if you are haughty and have contempt (disregard) for others. But what about the next sentence? David talks about “things too great and too marvelous.” Could it refer to thinking (and getting involved) in matters outside the scope of your responsibilities or having expectations toward people and things that are too grand? Could David actually be suggesting that we mind our own business? Scripture doesn’t say… but I tend to lean towards it because David was a shepherd, and he kept himself within the boundaries of tending sheep until he was called to other things. 

David then uses the example of a weaned child. He doesn’t say weaning child, he says weaned child. Those are two very different things. A weaning child still wants their mother’s milk. A weaned child has already become detached (indifferent) and is content.  Why? Because his hope in the LORD. Faith develops hope. It is through the sanctification process (becoming mature in Christ) one is able to have a calm and quiet spirit because He puts his hope in the Lord. 

 

I feel I am a weaned child when it comes to intimacy with others specifically with my husband.  I daily live with the knowledge that my life radically changed in 2017.  The love and intimacy I have with my husband is a beautiful earthly example of God’s love for me.   

 

Part of the Spiritual formation class I took, we were required to read the book “Surrender to Love” by David Benner.  The book spoke deeply to me for several reasons.  I will address the weaned child but first I will go off on a tangent… The very first question in chapter 1 was something I could not move past for a while.  “Imagine God thinking about you.  What do you assume God feels when you come to mind?” 

If I am honest my first thought was “God doesn’t have time to think about me. He is concerned about the lost - He leaves the 99 for the 1 lost sheep.  God is the prodigal son’s father.  He is the father that is looking at the horizon, waiting for his son to return.  I am the older brother but instead of feeling entitled, I tend to feel unseen, forgotten, not included.  Those thoughts sound awful, but if I am honest, they were my first thoughts when I read the question.  I believe they come from 30 years of being single.  I was saved at the age of 4 and earnestly sought the Lord my whole life.  But as life passed by and I watched others get married and have babies, I felt unseen and forgotten by God. 

 

In “Surrendering to Love” the quote, “Those who surrender obey.  But not all who obey surrender.  It is quite easy to obey God for the wrong reasons.  What God desires is submission of our hearts and will, not simply compliance in our behavior" stood out to me like a sore thumb.  The feeling of being unseen, forgotten, not included I believe is linked to obeying rather than surrendering.  I have always been someone that just wanted to be good.  I wanted to please others including God.  I am the type of person that if you tell me what to do and I will do it.  However, with obedience comes an attitude/feeling of being “owed” something for doing what was asked.  Subconsciously I think I have believed, “I did want you told me to do, now reward me.”  Because I was not rewarded, I felt unseen or forgotten and subconsciously I must have thought God had more important things to do i.e., go after the 1 lost sheep. 

 

Some of my favor quotes from Surrendering to Love are: (added my reflection after the quotes) 

“But genuinely encountering Love is not the same as inviting Jesus into your heart, joining or attending church, or doing what Jesus commands.  It is the experience of love that is transformational.  You simply cannot bask in divine love and not be affected.” 

“Genuine knowing involves much more than head knowledge.  It involves a relationship; it involves the heart.” 

“But if our experience of God is limited to our thoughts about him, we have not genuinely encountered God.  And if we confuse our thoughts about God with personal knowing of God, we confuse theology with spiritual experience.” 

“Daring to accept myself and receive love for who I am in my nakedness and vulnerability is the indispensable precondition for genuine transformation.  But make no mistake about just how difficult this is.” 

“Transformation occurs when we bring all parts of ourselves into the banquet of life provided by our divine host.  Our fearful, angry and wounded parts of self can never by healed unless they are exposed to divine love.” 

“If God’s heart is to become mine, I must know his heart.  Meditating on God’s love has done more to increase my love than decades of effort to try to be more loving.” 

“Union with God is not the intimacy of two separate people but the intimacy of my self-in-God with God’s self-in-me.” 

 

“Surrendering to Love” is the invitation to go deeper with God.  For the past 20+ years I have seen the Lord as my bridegroom so the concept in “Surrender to Love” was something I had already allowed to define part of my journey with my heavenly bridegroom.  I know this contradicts what I just shared... God not having time to think about me... but at the same time I do see God as my bridegroom, and I do believe I have an intimacy with God as a result so the thought that he does not have time for me is something I am going to need to sit with and struggle through.

 

This is where the weaned child in Psalm 131 comes in.  The first time I went on a silent retreat (20 years ago), I went with no understanding of what I was doing.  I did not read a book or talk to someone ahead of time.  All I knew was that I felt the call to go away and spend time with Jesus.  I brought my bible, a journal, and Christian music.  The first day I spent most of the day reading scripture, journaling, and listening to music.  It was around noon on the second day when I very clearly heard the Lord say, “Are you done?”  I was surprised…  “Am I done?”  The Lord said, “Yes, are you done!?  Can you just sit in my presence and let me love you?”  This scared me.  I told the Lord, “I don’t think I can.”  But I closed my Bible and journal, turned off the music and just sat quietly before the Lord.  I was afraid.... About a half an hour later (it seemed like forever!) I felt the Lord say to me; “Can you let me love you like a bridegroom loves his bride?  Can you get “naked” with me as a bride does with a groom.  Can you stop performing and just be naked (spiritually, emotionally etc.) in my presence.  Can you image what it would be like for me to love every “unseen” area of your “body.”  This was a transforming moment in my life.  Side note:  I was 32 years old and single.  The guy I had been dating and was supposed to get married to, got cold feet and broke it off, quit his job and took off across the country.   It was a pivotal moment in my life.  I started a journey of really seeing and letting God be my bridegroom.  When I got home, I purchased a three stone diamond ring that symbolized God’s love for me (Father, Son & Holy Spirit).  I started going on “date nights” with Jesus and actively studied scripture and taught Bible studies on God as the bridegroom.  This new revelation overwhelmed me and for a long time I did not/could not share my experience with anyone because I felt people just wouldn’t understand. In many ways, this was the process of being weaned.

 

I have been married since 2018.  As I look at my married life, I see how freeing my marriage is due to being a “weaned child.”  I have done the hard work of surrendering to love and allowed God to be my bridegroom. I died to my dreams and desires of being married and having a family. As a result, I do not have the unrealistic expectations most women put on their husbands.  I look at my husband and see Christ Jesus wrapped in human flesh.  Jeff is not perfect, but I don’t expect him to be.  We have not had the struggles most marriages have.  When I share how wonderful our marriage is, most people say, “give it time.”  But time will not change things when one has surrendered to God's love.  We are both seasoned believers and because I have seen God as my heavenly bridegroom for 20+ years, I am able to love and receive Jeff without expectations similar to a weaned child that no longer wants its mother’s breast. I do not look to Jeff to meet my needs yet when he does (and he does it so well), I see Christ in him.  I see my husband loving me but even more importantly, I see Jesus Christ loving me through my husband.  I find myself daily thanking God (and Jeff) for loving me so well.

O my friend! Hope in the Lord 

    for this time forth and forevermore!