For those who have known and prayed that I would one day be vulnerable enough to share - here it is. It has taken me almost two years... If it encourages just one person to follow hard after the Lord, then I am willing to share.
The letter will speak for itself. The person this letter was written to will always have a place in my heart. However, no matter how hard this chapter in my life was - I haven't looked back and I have no regrets in the decision I made.
... I do desire to be loved, I do desire to be married and to have a partner in this life but I have also learned over the years that I don’t need marriage or a partner to be loved and to have purpose in this world. I have and hope to continue to learn to let God be my true bridegroom and allow Him to love and meet my needs like no one else can. I have decided to look to the only one who can truly meet my deepest needs and desires. If I eventually do get married – I believe this way of thinking will free up my husband from a need to be more than he was created to be.
With that in mind, I am half way through life but I am aware that my life could be taken tomorrow. So what do I want to do with my remaining days? I want the remaining days of my life to honor God. I know it sounds simple but that is it in a nutshell. I want to walk close to Him, be obedient to Him and even though I am a weak, feeble sinner - I want my life to be pleasing to Him. I want the same from a life partner. I don’t want someone that is perfect and I don’t’ expect him to have a clean past… but I do want someone that is currently living for the Lord and I do expect him to continue to grow in the Lord until God calls us home.
As Phil 3 says, I am running a race – the goal line is set before me. I do not want to be entangled by the things of this world – what I need and want is someone that wants to run along side me, someone to encourage and be encouraged by. I do not want nor need someone that will slow me. This life is the only life I have to offer the Lord and I don’t want to mess it up.
It is also important to be active in church, be in a bible study and to have spiritual mentors in life. If I am to marry – these are the things I want. You don’t marry someone you can live with – you marry someone you can’t live without. You marry someone when you find that their happiness in life is more important than your own...
...All I can say is that I have prayed about this since your e-mail and I have no clear direction in moving forward with this...
Where am I now? I am still single – still trusting God with the details of my life...
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